Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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