I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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