i don't like sucking hair
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
