I like to think it a success when the cops are called
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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