So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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