I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
