too bad you live with your parents still
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
