My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
