I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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