I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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