made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize