Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
