i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
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