Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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