my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
