I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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