he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think my vagina is haunted
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
