If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
