He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
