cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
