I showed him my bush... on skype.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
