I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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