Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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