Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
