i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
