i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
