Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Green mimosas i think yes
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
