Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
