I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
