my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
