it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
