Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
