True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
