ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
