I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
