its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
