I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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