I think I died a long time ago.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
