By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
