There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
