So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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