we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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