I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
