Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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