Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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