If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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