dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar