i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.