the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.