Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
