Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize