I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im part way to drunk.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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