i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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