I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
