Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
