Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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