this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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