what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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