I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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