you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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