I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
