NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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