You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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