Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
A+ Viking dick
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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