Please, let me fuck your mom
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
