Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
