Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
