We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
