Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
