You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
