you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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