I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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