i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
