walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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